Mis Amigas, My Friends

Friend.

Easy word to say but has a deeper meaning that many do not understand.

Are you a friend?

True friend?

Reliable friend?

Dependable friend?

Half a friend?

Not a friend?

Missing friends?

I am a friend.

But I am also THAT friend.

xoxo

My GIRLLLLLLLLLFRIENDDDDDDDDD! Hello Blooming Beauties! Welcome to this weeks blog on “Mis Amigas, My friends” where we will be chatting about friendships and godly friendships. I don’t want you to loose all your friends or not be friends with anyone but we will jump in and deep dive into friendships period. Cozy on up and let’s get it blooming!

friend /frend/

a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.

Amiga/Amigo = friend in Spanish

Friends are great, but having true and authentic friends are even better. There many different types of friends. Those who can hold you accountable and tell you that you were wrong. Those who find out who you are inside and out and give great advice when needed. Friends can turn into lifelong sisters. Friends are there though the thick and the thin. You know which friends to bring to which function because you all will thrive in that area. You know which friends to talk with and which friends to love from a distance. You have social media friends and friends that live in the same apartment. Friends you can take outside and certain friends that really need to stay inside. Childhood friends that were with you during your growth stages and later in-life friends that came later but it doesn’t matter. Sometimes your longest friends can be overthrown by new friends. AND THAT IS OKAY. There will be a time where we may have to drop friends or pop friends. Argue with friends and end being friends. You have friends that were sent to send you a lesson and friends who will guide you through a lesson. Up friends and down friends. Pink friends and blue friends. All types of friends. I love a good friend!

But what type of friend are you?

There are different levels of friendships.

Level 1: Acquaintance

These are the “friends” who you recognize and who recognize you. These are the “friends” who you pass by and speak, smile, say hey and keep it pushing. This group of “friends” really don’t know your business and that’s how you should keep it.

Level 2: Casual Friendship

This group of friends know you better and are people who you enjoy spending time with. You all meet up and hang out, usually in a group setting. They know a little more about you like your hobbies, work, and other small details about your life. This is not a deep level of friendship.

Level 3: Close Friendship

This group of friends are people you feel a strong and genuine connection with. A meaningful bond and there is regular communication and mutual support. There emotional support and shared personal thoughts and feelings. These people know your business and that’s important to know!

Level 4: Intimate Friendship

This is the highest level of trust and emotional intimacy. These group of friends have reliable, unconditional support. They your deepest and darkest secrets. They know what makes you vulnerable and know private information. You can confide in them without the fear of judgement.

Are there some people in the wrong category?

For the last couple of years, about 2-3 years, I have been re-evaluating my friends or people who I called friends. After a very hard time, the people who I thought were my friends, turned out to not really be my friends. I felt that they weren’t there for me when I needed them the most. I will admit that I did not verbally express that I needed them. I thought they would see the signs and recognize that I wasn’t the same person as I was before. I was shut off, distant and in a whole. Those who saw that I was in that space, I pray that our friendship lasts forever. After I asked if they really noticed a change, they said no. I knew then, I had to do some reevaluating. That was not the only reason why I had to cut some people off. Some had different values than I did. They wanted to talk down on visions and did not like a change that occurred in my life. And I was okay with that. Friendship breakups hurt more than relationship break ups. Some friendships are so dreadful but the love you have for them will cause you to disregard red flags that have been present for a long time. You want to keep them in your life forever but some people are not meant to stay forever. That has been said a lot in society lately due to the fact that we are now starting to learn how we should be to others and how other should be with us. Let’s evaluate.

You have to ask yourself if this friendship benefits my life in this stage. Some friendships need a break and a revisit after both parties have matured and bloomed to be the person they were supposed to be. Is this friendship dragging me down? Is this friendship building me up? Am I the only one who plans things and initiates get-togethers? Or am I just the “planner friend” and they’re the “send the money friend”? ( I am in fact the planner friend as I love to do the research and I feel that the plans can be teaaaaaa if I do it. lol but that gets tiring after a while and sometimes I’ve had to step back to see if my friends can plan something without my help… it works sometimes and in other instances it doesn’t. ) Am I only around because I bring value to them? Am I too dependable? Is this a mutual friendship or a parasitic one? Are they helping or hindering?

A friend should be able to add value to my life. I want my friends to be able to correct me when I’m wrong, help me see through certain situations, be a backbone, be a listening ear and many other things. But I have to ask myself am I those things to them? Do they need me to be those things or other things? Some friends just need me to listen, others need me to listen and give advice. Some need me to me to be present, others don’t need me to be there for us to have a friendship (as I show up in other ways). Every friendship is different and I ride for ALL of my friends. Many of my friends have stepped over the line and have become sisters, a mutual sisterhood. If my sister does not call me out on my mess then I don’t want her. If she cant help me see the vision and aid in that vision, I DON’T WANT HER. Or she just may not be beneficial in this time of my life and that is okay! I want true friends.

I have gained a true friend in such a short time. Let’s call her Orchid. Orchid and I met in an environment where we were the only two who looked liked each other. We were in an environment where there wasn’t many of us and we found out quickly that we were in an environment that held different standards to us than others. Once upon a time there was three of us, but my good friend was let go based off the word of someone else, who ended getting fired months later for his lying, overbearing and incapable behavior. She bloomed to be a great employee for a company who valued her. Love that for her. Orchid and I developed a lovely friendship in matter of months. To the point where it was noticed by others and it was seen as a target to them. For my end of the year assessment, they seemed to focus more on the friendship than my performance. Our small chats, turned into a timely daily routine to hanging out on the weekends and now planning a trip. A true authentic friendship that developed in just a couple of months and it was God sent! Orchid has been a true friends one that doesn’t sugarcoat but shows the attributes of a true friend. One that I needed as I was in a time where I didn’t have any friends close to where I lived.

What is a true friend?

(according to the Bible)

A true friend rebukes when necessary and the correction is done in love:

“An open rebuke is better than hidden love!” ~ Proverbs 27:5 NLT

A true friend forgives. A friend does not hold grudges to their friends:

“Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.” ~ Proverbs 17:9 NIV

A true friend AVOIDS gossip:

“A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.” ~ Proverbs 16:28 NLT

A true friend gives heartfelt advice. A true friend brings joy to the heart:

“Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.” ~Proverbs 27:9 NIV

These are only a few that the Bible covers. Check out the book of Proverbs for many other attributes and characteristics that a friend should be. (and yes that includes you too. Always check yourself first before you check anyone else! – in some instances, this is one! )

What are Godly Friendships?

According to the googlet:

Godly friendship is a Christ-centered bond where believers mutually encourage, sharpen, and hold each other accountable to grow in faith. Defined by sacrificial love (John 15:13), these relationships are marked by speaking truth, offering biblical counsel, and fostering spiritual growth rather than just surface-level companionship.

Godly friendships build each other up and are not afraid to call out the other persons weaknesses. Now the call out is not to bash but to bring awareness and to help with that weakness. Godly friendships offer loving but constructive correction. Now the delivery of that loving, yet constructive correction may be off sometimes. It may not be what you want to hear but that’s what friends are for. They should be able to call you out o your mess and help you get out of your. It’s help, not the “she should have all the answers to my problems”. Friends have great advise and can aid in your troubles but you still need to consult God in daily. It always feel good to talk it out and bounce ideas from your friends, God should still in the midst of those conversations. Godly friendships mirror Christ’s love by being supportive, loyal and prioritize the other’s spiritual well-being. Godly friendships help lead one another to love and good works and avoid gossip and envy, which can lead to that friendship ending. We don’t want to bring negativity (even if the negativity is another person) into a friendships as it creates turmoil. We all know how that ends and we hate to see that happen to a once beautiful relationship between two people. Godly friendships resolve conflicts quickly and forgive and have to recognize that spiritual growth requires humility.

One prayer that I have asked God for is to bring friends that encourage my walk with Christ. Friends who understand what journey I’m on and don’t aid in getting off track. For example, I was never a heavy drinker but did indulge during college and hang-outs. Never to the point of getting drunk, but a shot here and there. It really wasn’t my couple of tea and I kept it for social settings only. When I started my journey to build my relationship with Christ, the first thing I cut was any alcohol usage. My friends were made aware and some were understanding and some weren’t. Because I wasn’t a big drinker before, it really wasn’t that hard to cut it, but I knew what it could lead to if I took it too far and I’ve seen what it has done to others, so it had to go. The friends who didn’t understand or would try to give me an alcoholic drink, moved down the ranks of being my friend. I set boundaries and I expect my friends to adhere to those boundaries. I’m good with a nice Shirley Temple or a mocktail or a nice burning Sprite lol.

Having friends who aid in your journey with Christ is a must. With one of my closest friends, we will call her Lotus, I am her aid during her journey. She knows that if she comes to me with a problem, I am bringing God into the mix. She is very aware of that as she tends to hide things from me because she knows I am going to ask questions, give it to her straight and give her a solution to her problems. Two years ago, I went off on her out of love. I was upset that she couldn’t see the bigger picture and how her actions were causing her to be in a treacherous state. I cried and begged and pleaded for her to listen to understand and not just listen to respond. I gave her solutions, visuals and aids and it seemed like she was willing to accept the space that she was in currently and that did not sit well with me because I knew what she was trying to achieve spiritually and physically. I had scriptures ready and all and it seemed like nothing was working. As a friend, at that moment I could’ve given up on her because she wasn’t trying to understand and just contradicting everything I said, but I didn’t. God had a bigger purpose. I felt that there was a spirit that was hindering her from seeing what God was wanted from her. I took two weeks and we didn’t speak, and for me that was my way of letting her sit with many many manyyyy words that I left with her. In those two weeks, it was revealed to her that everything that I was saying was true. That was the day that I learned that I had to see what I was being used for and to not get so angry with others while I am fulfilling God’s purpose and helping other in their journey with Christ. I also learned that there was a positive and Godly shift in our friendship. When she encounters a problem, there is a must to add God in the conversation. Not only because I am on a journey where God is showing me things that could help my friends, but because she desires a relationship with Christ an needs some guidance and how God can be the turning point in her situations. It’s still a work in progress, because there is some things that I need to work on. Especially delivery lol.

Recently we had a conversation were God was speaking through me to help Lotus through her situation and during that conversation I was able to tell her about how God helped me though the same situation. I used what God had given me when I was feeling. Lotus wanted control over her own life. So much control that it was interrupting what God was trying to get her to see and learn from the situation. In this period of my life, I am in a transitioning era. I just moved to a new state away from all my family and friends and though it was to chase a dream, it’s been hard. I kept applying to jobs to get to a better area and I was back in the mode where God just blessed me to be out of. I told you all I have to learn patience. I learned that what God has for me will be for me. I want to control where I want to go because I want to get to that dream job and make that dream type of money! But I had to learn that I cannot control everything, especially my life. I have to voice my concerns and fears and leave it in God’s hands. That’s what she needed to hear. Pray and leave it in God’s hands. Stop trying to hold control in the narrative as it will not go exactly how you’ve planned it to go.

Sisterhood

the state of being a sister

sisterly relationship

a community or society of sisters

Sister

a girl or woman regarded as a comrade (an intimate friend or associate)

I gained many sisters that I can truly call sisters. I have put my own stipulation on the word sisterhood because not everyone who is supposed to assume the position of a sister, embodies the actual definition of what a sister and sisterhood is. I had to learn that the hard way. I don’t dwell on those who in the past I thought were my sisters because I have gained actual sisters in many different areas of my life that have showed me what sisterhood is. I love sisterhood and I love all my SISTERSSSSS. You have to determine who is your sister. Not only your sister in Christ but who is your sister in general. Those are the ones who you hold near and dear to my heart. I have a select few and though in the past I wanted many many many sisters, but I’m grateful for the ones that I have. My sisters have helped me fight through all my battles and know the true and authentic me. You have to be selective on who you give the title “ SISTER” to because they have to embody all of what comes with being a sister. Many of my sisters started off as friends, even acquaintances, but we built a deeper friendship where now I act like they came from my mother’s womb. I refer to them as my sisters.

One of the closest friends who have developed to be a sister is Peony. We met in high school and have never left each other since. Ying to my Yang! Peanut butter to my Jelly. Two peas in a pot! We are very much different. Opposites actually. She has taught me a lot not only about myself but how to talk with others. She has that personality that she can literally talk to anyone. She can make a sell and literally tell you about yourself all in one sentence. Though she may be small in stature, DON’T LET IT FOOL YOU. She will ride at dawn for the ones she loves and embodies the term sister. She knows how to give advice. Will correct me when I’m wrong. Will listen to my rants (and yes, I can get to rantingggg). She will notice the signs where I am not 100% and will be such a supportive individual.

She knows me better than I know myself sometimes and it’s quite scary. God sent and a blessing all in one. The mutualism we have is lovely and if I didn’t have her with me, I would be a wreck! I could go on and on about my PEONY but I’ll have it for later. I know you’re reading this Peony, just know you are a blessing and don’t let anyone tell you different. Continue to be the light that you are meant to be and don’t let it dim!

Challenge for you!

Mentally gather all your friends. Write their names down and see who they are to you. If you are confused or don’t know what category to add them too, give them a facetime call and have a conversation about you all’s friendship. Now this is not the time to point fingers but to get a general understanding and maybe see if you all’s friendship can grow to be better.

WARNING: it may lead to tears and prayers but that’s how we bloom love. It is necessary to have these conversations.

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